Bailey's Blogs: An extract
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It’s Mother’s Day!
My dumb bro Elvie just doesn't get it. Last Mother's Day he brought a half-dead mouse and proudly offered it to my mudder as a gift. My mudder screamed and Elvie thought it was with joy so he was wagging his tail madly and eagerly pushing the poor rodent into her hands.
Mudder almost passed out in fright before the dumb hound finally realized that she was suffering and not ecstatic. This year, I had a hard time persuading him that a dead baby bird was not exactly what mudder was looking for!
As you have probably discerned by now, my dumb bro also suffers from short term memory disorder. Not being gifted with much intelligence, he cannot always distinguish between homo sap and canine qualities. For him, the line between our four-legged mudder and this two-legged mudder is often fuzzy. But then, most things are fuzzy for our Elvie. Only food can galvanize him into some sort of coherent and rational thinking.
Anyway, for all you mudders out there, canine or human, have a wonderful day!
The weather is turning balmy and Elvie and I are spending lots of time in the backyard. As the green of spring starts bursting through the ground (I told you I was of a poetic inclination), the rabbit population is springing into action. We dachsies are bred to be badger-hunters, but in the absence of the afore-mentioned critters, rabbits will do and even the odd hyperactive squirrel.
I think rabbits undergo some sort of training in magic because even though our backyard is fenced, when we are on the verge of pounding them to death, they do the Houdini and disappear!!! Squirrels, of course, play dirty and scamper up the trees.
Our new friend is called Slithery Dan. He is a bright green striated garden snake and he lives under the flower beds. He is a bit like a dachshund in that he undulates when he moves. Slithery is very shy and can disappear even faster than a rabbit!! We love to play hide and seek with him but his breath stinks of frog....blech!
Of course, our mudder does not approve of our new friend and has warned us of dire consequences if she sees us hobnobbing with him. She behaves like he is a king cobra with a fatal bite and no amount of arguing will persuade her that snakes are not yucky at all. Sigh! Anyway, it's Mother's Day and for this day, we will obey her wishes and ignore our new friend even if he hisses for us to come out and play. But tomorrow is another day......
